Surviving An Emotional Affair

How can you trust again after an emotional affair?  How do you convince your spouse that what the two of you had together was special? This is your guide to surviving an emotional affair.


First of all, you have to recognize that whatever happened, you were both at fault.  If you cheated, your spouse was not giving you what you needed so you looked elsewhere.  If your spouse cheated, you were the one not giving what he needed.  Yes, the cheater is morally culpable for the cheating.  The moral responsibility does not lie with the person who was cheated upon.  But the fault lies in both party’s laps.

Given that, it is extremely important to forgive.  True forgiveness means that you let go of all of the anger related to the unfaithfulness.  You never bring it up again.  You never let it cloud your relationship.  If you cannot do this, it is going to be difficult to survive an emotional affair and rebuild the trust.

If you were the person at fault, apologize – and mean it.  Too many times, after people say “I’m sorry,” there’s an “Oops I did it again,” moment.  You’re not Britney Spears.  It’s not cute.  When you say you are sorry, you have to commit to changing.  Otherwise, you don’t mean it and it won't help anyone.

Be prepared to chase your spouse a little bit.  This doesn’t mean sending hundreds of text messages or stalking them, but you have got to show that you are still interested and willing to make this work.  You can’t expect your spouse to come running back just because you have sent out some modest signals that you are ready to give your relationship another try.  Put your ego in check and put your heart on the line.

You may have to settle for something less than you wanted.  It may be that your spouse is only ready to be friends when you want a full fledged relationship.  It may take time to Rebuilt The Trust.  If this is the case, you need to give your spouse the space needed to get to know you again.  Accept that you have to take what is offered right now if you want to eventually get back together.

Finally, you have to know when to give up.  Sometimes, you just have to move on.  If your spouse is unable to forgive you, you are in a position where the best thing you can do is move on.  While this will break your heart right now, it may be the best thing that could have happened to you.  Whatever went wrong in this relationship, your soul mate is still out there.